Clomid Day 3

Today is Day 3 for my Clomid...and I have seen the evil Clomid brought to life, in me.

Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown. By meltdown I mean, a major attitude. Everything just felt annoying, and I was not capable of being rational and thinking things through. I had no desire to be nice or kind. This happened close to bedtime, and I always have a hard time at bedtime anyway. I think it's when I am not really tired, then I think about all the possibilities. Like "What if this cycle will not work?" "Why did I have to go through all this in the first place?" I tend to think about all things bad. Then mix in 200MG of Clomid, well...it's not good.

I have 4 more days to go, I pray that it will not get worse. But I am preparing myself for it to get worse.

I thought I had this Clomid under control, but it came out like a Lioness!! Of course I felt great this morning, no worries, no anxiety. But come tonight...I fear the dreaded hours of the late night!!

I scheduled my appointment for my ultrasound and blood work on CD 15. I will need to be there at 7am, and I need to have 32oz of water drank by 6am!!! I have no idea how I will get that much water down, that early! I get to go to a Clinic that is a lot closer than my Dr.'s office, so that is great. My Dr. wanted me to get this stuff done early so that they can get the results quicker.

Today I feel blessed that I don't feel sick on the Clomid!!

Anxiously Awaiting Results

I am so excited to get my results from the blood work that I had done on Friday. My Doctor could call any day now. Thank you all for your comments on my last post! They helped me out so much, and I learned a lot too! I have decided to have my HSG done prior to the Clomid, but I still need to find out around how much we will need to pay for that procedure. Why can't conceiving just be free like it's supposed to be!!! I also found out that the HSG must be done sometime from CD 7-10, to ensure that you are not pregnant at the time of the procedure. I am just so excited to see what the next few months will hold for us.

As much heartache that infertility brings, it has taught me to count my blessings and embrace what I DO have. So today that is my blessing!!

Our Infertility Consultation Recap

I am happy to report that our consultation went very well yesterday. I was so nervous, and I think I was just so excited that we are actually, finally seeing a specialist! Its been 3 and a half years, and it felt so good to see a Doctor that is very confident, very professional, very caring and very smart. I was so thrilled with our Doctor.

First of all we met with our Doctor in his office, not an exam room! I was lovin' that. It felt so nice to just talk to him and not feel stressed with being in an exam room. We were just sitting back and sharing as much information with him as we could. He was able to put together more pieces to our IF puzzle, so that he could treat us better!

I asked him if he would say I have PCOS. He said PCOS has such a broad range of symptoms that a lot of people fall into the PCOS category, so he said he would call my problem"traumatic anovulation." Basically I do not ovulate, not even with the couple of rounds of Clomid that I took a year ago. So he wants to do some blood work to see if there is something in the way of the Clomid not working. After I get the results from the blood work, we will need to have made our decision if we want to start Clomid this cycle. I have a very irregular cycle, so I will need to take Provera to start my cycle ASAP. He said he doesn't like to have a woman go longer than 2 months without a cycle, because the uterine lining will build up too much. I am right around the 2 month mark, so it could work our perfectly. I am going in tomorrow for my blood work, with the results coming next week. If everything comes back "good" we will probably take Provera to start my cycle, then take Clomid! He wants to give me stronger doses of Clomid, the strongest I took last time was 150mg, he wants to try 200-250mg.

Then...

If Clomid would not work for us, we would look into Fertility shots. Which will be more expensive and more invasive, also there is a bigger chance of multiples with the shots. I was so impressed with how the Dr. was stressing that they do not take that lightly. They want to try every other option before they will try the shots on us, due to the risk of multiples. If we get to this point, we will need to think and pray about when we would want to start the shots. I am sure we would wait a while after the Clomid to start the shots. The Dr. also wants me to get an HSG done. I would like to get that done even before we start the Clomid. I would love to hear from anyone who has had an HSG done. Did you do it before Clomid, or did you wait until before a more invasive form of treatment?

After we went over all of that. He asked us if hubby had ever been checked, and he never was. So we were able to get that done right away, and the Dr. called tonight with the results!! I was so shocked that he called already, he told me that he will call on Friday. So I was super excited when hubby picked up that call!! I think that my hubby was surprised as well, after the Dr. told hubby the results hubby told the Dr. that I would like to talk to him. I thought that was so sweet of my hubby to do that, he knows how important this all is to me. So I took the phone, nervous with anticipation, the Dr. said the results were back and hubby is 100% perfect!! I was thrilled!! I always felt that he was, but was never sure, so now we are sure!! The Dr. was so nice, he asked me if I had done my blood work yet, and I told him tomorrow that will be done, he said that's great!! I was so thrilled that he asked about that, I really felt that he cared and wanted to get this process going. I was so excited about how quickly he gets things done, yet at the same time he told us not to feel pressured into anything they suggest. They just want to give us all of our options, and then they let us go from there, with no pressure!!

Also, at the appointment he did an ultrasound on me to check my cysts on my ovaries (again, I was so surprised how quickly he got things done). My right ovary has more cysts than my left. He was glad to see the cysts, because that reaffirmed him that I was not ovulating. He said that cysts are caused by anovulation, each month you do not ovulate, those eggs form cysts on your ovary. Then once you start to ovulate the cysts will disappear. I was so impressed with how much I learned from him in such a little amount of time.

So...

My main problem is that I do not ovulate.

Hubby checked out perfectly

Cannot wait to find out the results from my bloodworm

Our next step will be Clomid!!

I would really appreciate your prayers. Prayers specifically for a clear mind to make the right decisions, and for good blood work levels, and of course for the Clomid to work!!

I feel so blessed to have found a Doctor that we both liked and felt really comfortable with.

Infertility Consultation

It is so hard for me to believe that tomorrow is the big day! I still remember back in the Fall of 2009 when I made the appointment, I thought that April will never come! Now I am sitting here very nervous, and yet full of joy about what lies ahead tomorrow.

Let's just say that my cycle is not cooperating. So I have many questions to ask the Dr. tomorrow. I have recently been reading a lot about PCOS, and I know that I have symptoms of that. I was diagnosed with a slight case of PCOS at the beginning of our TTC journey. I had already known a lot about PCOS, but I think that I was kidding myself. For so long I felt that it doesn't matter that I have PCOS, I can still conceive. Well, when you do not ovulate, you cannot get pregnant! I think I have finally realized that I cannot give myself false hope (anyone going through IF knows what I mean). I know that I have not got my hopes up for a pregnancy like I used to, but there is still that small thought that goes through my mind when I think that I am having a pregnancy symptoms, which are not pregnancy symptoms. I know that I have problems that need to be addressed. Problems that I hope and pray have answers and treatments. After 3 years and 7 months of TTC, I pray that our TTC journey is coming to an end.

Today I feel so blessed that we have an appointment with a fertility specialist tomorrow. I pray that the Lord will guide us and our Dr. closer to our miracle tomorrow!!

Second Trip to Indiana and an Infertility Update

On Thursday I made the trek out to Indiana to see the Doctor that I had visited before, you can read about that here. My mom and another sweet girl who is struggling with infertility came along with me. We had 10:30 appointments, so we left at 5:00am, which was a lot better that last time when we left at 4:00am. We had wonderful weather and a very smooth trip, the roads never seemed busy which I loved since I drove.

The Doctor told me that the position of my uterus looks perfect! I was thrilled. I was so happy. Overjoyed! I then asked him about how he could open up my tubes on my last visit, because it just did not make sense to me how he can actually open up my tubes without much to it. So he said that the position that my uterus had been in was blocking or twisting my tubes so that nothing could pass through. What he meant was that when he corrected the position of my uterus, it then put my tubes in the correct place. But now he is not able to tell if my tubes are blocked, I would have to get that checked on my own. I had misunderstood him when he explained that to me during the first visit.

He also said that I do not need to make another appointment to see him, and he thinks I should be pregnant by June or July. I am trying to have faith, but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up. Because I know that is just a possibility. Not a guarantee. I am praying, I am hoping and I am keeping my faith in the Lord. He will be the ultimate decision maker for when we conceive.

We have our IF consultation on April 7th at a large fertility center about an hour from us. I am getting very anxious for that appointment. We are just going to see what they have to say, and to see what our options are. We will then pray about what our next step should be. Then if we are not pregnant by July or so, then we will probably go back in and start some type of treatment. That could all change if by then we feel the Lord is leading us in another direction. We would really appreciate your prayers as we have a lot of decisions coming our way.

I am ready to be a mommy, but I know that the Lord has a plan for me and my hubby's life. That gives me a peace that I cannot explain.

Today I feel blessed that the Lord cares about my life, and that He has a plan for my life which I know will be worth all this heartache that I have gone through.

Appointment Rescheduled

Yesterday I was supposed to travel to Indiana for my follow up appointment with the Doctor I had seen in January, you can read about that here. I cancelled the appointment because of bad weather, the roads were still pretty bad and we would have had to leave at 4am. So we rescheduled for March 4th. I did have a chance to talk to the Doctor, I told him that I was still have my 15 day cycles. He told me that maybe my uterus muscles were not as strong as he thought, which meant if that is true my uterus could have shifted back to the old position. I did tell him about the small changes I have seen in my cycle, and then I asked him if it is even possible to get pregnant with a 15 day cycle. He told me most definitely. It should happen towards the middle of the cycle, and that all depends on if I am ovulating.

Today I was texting a friend who is also going through infertility, and she said that someone told her that if you start progesterone cream on CD 5 it makes so you don't ovulate. I have been starting my progesterone cream on CD 5!! I was told by the company to start it on CD 5. So I am not taking any chances, I am quiting my progesterone cream completely. I am almost at the end of my cycle, again. HA! 2 weeks goes by way too fast. So hopefully my body can regulate on it's own. I guess we will see soon enough. If I see changes for the worse, I will probably start taking it again, but not until I would call the company and explain the situation. Plus I am ready for a break from the cream, I just want to see what my body can do!!

My ticker reads 1 month 3weeks 5 days until our infertility consultation! I remember when I applied that ticker, and it was at 6 months! Time does fly by, even when it feels like its dragging!

Right now I am thinking:

"What will be happening in 1month 3weeks and 5days?"

Will I be pregnant?

Will I still not be pregnant?

Will I have regular cycles?

Will I be at peace?

Will some of my friends who are struggling as well, be pregnant?

Will we be told that I am still not ovulating?

Will I be told that we need lots of help?

Will I be told we will be pregnant in no time at all? If so, will I believe them?

Could this be the year that we finally receive our blessing?

Are we there yet?...

...as I was starting to get nervous, I would wonder to myself if we were getting really close to this place, this Doctor's office that I know almost nothing about. It was only 7am, I had been driving since 3:40am, and we were getting closer to our destination. We had talked about this journey we were all going through (except for my mom), we were all very anxious and hopeful. We had stopped to eat at McDonald's, and were traveling closer to our destination. The roads were just starting to get busier, and the sun was rising.

...and that is how I looked and felt as we drove into the driveway. We had reached our destination at 9:05am, our first appointment was at 9:30am. Below is the actual picture of how I looked as we arrived at our destination, but let me tell you the picture above describes exactly how I was feeling. Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Doubtful. I was thinking to myself, "Am I going to exit this place feeling regret, disappointment, sadness, or will I be feeling Joy, Hope, gratefulness, and with lots anticipation for my future?"

So as I enter into this "office" and sit in the waiting room, I am sure I looked like this...

...until I was sitting on the exam table talking to the Doctor. Let's just say, I was so scared, but mostly I was hoping I did not just make a huge mistake driving 4 1/2 hours to this place. I took the 3rd appointment, and I really wanted to run to my car and hit the gas pedal as fast as I could. Instead, I got my rear off the chair and walked into the exam room, I sat on the table, and spilled my story. It was as if a peace came over me, one like I have never felt. He was so understanding and caring, as I was telling him my problems. I could sense that he had a heart for this, a heart for women who cannot conceive, because I think that he knew he had some answers as to "why not."

After my examination, I finally got some answers...

...my uterus was almost turned the complete wrong way, and it was extremely too low. It was sitting on my bladder, hence my very frequent trips to my friend "the john." He said the cyst that I have is very small and should not affect my fertility at all, wait did I hear you right doctor, you said cyst not cyst's!!! A year ago I had cysts, and now you are telling me that I only have one. I was so happy, because if he is accurate, that means that they have been going away!! The correct part of my uterus was not nearly lined up with my cervix, which prevented anything that needed to get into my uterus from getting where it needed to go. He also said, that my tubes were completely tied off, and that nothing had ever been going through my tubes, which means that was making it impossible for me to ovulate. When he told me that, it took me back to what my doctor told me last year at the Women's Health Center, she said I was non-ovulatory. Remember how the Clomid I took did absolutely nothing for me, and she was so shocked that it did not work. As I am typing this, I am getting very emotional. It all makes so much sense. So basically if my tubes would have been open nothing could have even got into my uterus. Also, since my uterus was not in the correct place, it majorly threw off my hormones, which is why my progesterone is so low!! I had two major things that were causing this terrible journey of infertility.

Guess what?

He corrected both of these problems!

He told me, "Lori, you could get pregnant this cycle, there is nothing standing in the way of pregnancy anymore!"

I was in shock, I was in disbelief, I was in awe of God's power, I was in awe of how at peace I felt, I was in awe when I realized people were praying for me.

He moved my uterus to where it needs to be, but he said it is very important for me to take it easy. No heavy lifting, no sweeping, no side to side motions, no jumping whatsoever, no crunches, he said walking is fine for exercise (I'm afraid my work outs might suffer for a while). He told me that the uterus is basically floating, there are a few muscles holding it, and he needs those muscles to get strong at the new position. If I'm not careful for a while my uterus might not stay in the correct position. I could barely sleep last night, I was so afraid that if I sleep on my side that it will go back. I was a miserable wreck. Now today I keep wondering if my pants are too tight, I'm afraid that might make it go back, my pants are not even that tight. I need to relax, and have faith. He recommended getting a deep tissue massage not more than two weeks apart for about 2 months, because that will help with circulation which makes muscles stronger quicker. How ironic that I just got a massage!! I do not think it was just a coincidence. It was God.

He said I should keep taking my progesterone cream, and my cycles should start regulating on there own, now that my uterus is in the correct place. I have been having 15 day cycles for almost 6 months, he said that is not normal. He wants to see me in 4 weeks to make sure that my uterus did not move. He told me that if I would get pregnant before then, I should get to him ASAP, he said I should not even call. His main worry with that is that my uterus would not be strong enough in the new position to carry a child, he said it would not be a bad idea to be careful this month, in fear of that. How can you tell a woman to be careful after 3 years of infertility! HA!! But I do know that would be safer. He also told me that most miscarriages come from the uterus being in the wrong position. That was just shocking to me, all of this was shocking to me. I just really wonder if this is it. Is this all I need to get pregnant. I am really struggling with that. It is so easy to get your hopes up when you hear news like this. But it makes total sense to me.

Today I feel sore, I have seen a huge difference in my lower abdomen, it is not bulging anymore, I always thought that was weird.

When I got home last night, and thought about what he said about it being possible to conceive this month, I just broke down. I sobbed. I cried for the possibility, for the miracle that we have been waiting on.

I know this is a very long post with lots of information. I hope it all makes sense to you. I would love to answer any questions that you have. You can e-mail me if you want it to be kept private, or you can leave me a comment, then I will do a post with all the questions and answers.

Thank you all for your prayers.

I could feel them.

I could feel the presence of the Lord.

He was comforting me.

Unexpected Appointment...

I totally intended to blog about the unexpected trip that came up this week, but after my one hour massage on Monday there was no way I could even lift my laptop! I was so relaxed. It was so nice that it was in my own home, so I could just crash after the massage was done.

So onto the "unexpected trip"...

I just recently found out that a childhood friend of mine is also going through infertility. We live in the same area, and I had no clue. More and more it surprises me who is also going through this journey. She found out about this doctor in Indiana who had helped a lot of infertile women conceive!! He says that is has everything to do with your uterus, and most women who are unable to conceive just need there uterus adjusted. For example, some uterus' are not in the right place, or they are laying on there side, etc. I know, it sounds cruel, but I am up for anything! So this childhood friend calls me up and wonders if I would like to go along, she has 4 appointments for THIS THURSDAY, which by the way, is TOMORROW!!

I was very hesitant at first, but I thought what is there to lose? Nothing!! Let's just say, the price for the appointment would make anyone want to go. So I told her I would go, and I am going to be the one driving. My mom decided to go as well, I guess this doctor also does other kind of treatments. I am glad that my mom decided to go along, I think I will need the moral support! Who knows how this place will be. The nice thing is that he will know right away if he is able to help me. I am just so anxious to see what the place is like, and mostly if he will be able to help me. I am going to take all my records, and I want to show him the progesterone cream that I am using to get his opinion on it.

Its going to be about a 4 1/2 hour drive, so get this, I need to leave my house at 3:35a.m. Yeah, you read that right! I think I am going to try to go to bed at like 8pm tonight, but I know that I will be so anxious that I won't be able to sleep.

My hubby is not too sure about this, and really I do not blame him. I guess I am more of a risk taker, and in this situation there is not much too lose. I wish you were all on my way, because I would pick up any one of you ladies that would like to go! How fun would that be, a car full of women going through infertility, no one would mess with us!! We would have the best trip. I mean, we would have lots to talk about! Right!! HA!

I pray that it will be a productive trip, I pray that I will get some more answers, I pray that it will be a safe trip!!

I will do a post on Friday to let you know if I survived!!

I would really appreciate your prayers.

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that

As the new year came and went I feel like I have not seen my hubby at all. He just returned last night from a 4 day business trip to Chicago. When he is gone I just feel so out of it. I hate it when he leaves. I did keep myself pretty busy, for the most part. In 2010 I really want to get more active. I would love to lose 15 pounds, 20 would be great! Even if I do not lose that much, I want to get into shape. I want to work out at least 3-4 times a week, my goal is to be on my treadmill 5 days a week. I started this week, which helped me keep my mind off of my hubby being gone, and I have been feeling so great. I always feel great when I work out, but I always end up slacking off. I know that losing even 5 pounds will help our infertility situation. It will help balance my hormones naturally, which is my ultimate goal. I would love to call our clinic that we are going to in April, and tell them that I am pregnant and I do not need our appointment. I have not caught up on all my blogs, but I have seen from some of them that I read that I am not the only one who is trying to get healthier. So I am so excited to follow everyone's journey, we can help each other!! Support is the best thing in the world!!


On another subject, I took down mostly all of my Christmas decoration over the weekend. I feel so de-cluttered! I love it. I left my snowmen out though, which is especially appropriate since it has been snowing like crazy here. I am so ready for green grass, spring flowers, lots of sunshine, sitting by the pool, spending lots of time with my hubby, and a weekend getaway!!!


I have been planning a huge project for myself to work on this winter since my hubby is so busy this time of year. I will reveal my project to you on my 100th post along with my very first giveaway!!

6 More Months then...

Us...




Plus This...

and a whole lot of this...






starting on April 7, 2010 at 1:30pm, will hopefully get us this...



That's right!! I have officially scheduled an appointment at that "larger" fertility clinic that I had mentioned before. I was thinking that is 6 months away!! AHHH. How am I ever going to survive that. But then I also started thinking of all the fun things that we will have going on with all the Holidays coming up. Here are just a few things that I am so excited for: Hubby and my Birthday, Thanksgiving, BLACK FRIDAY, Christmas Decorating, Christmas Shopping, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day and lots more! So if I focus on all those things hopefully it will make time fly by!! I get butterflies when I think of that day. April 7, 2010. It is an Infertility Consultation. I told the lady on the phone I want the best doctor there, so I am hoping that with him and our Lord involved we will have a great chance. I know it doesn't matter who your doctor is, all that matters is if it's Gods plan. The reason that we need to wait until Spring is because hubby is a basketball referee and he has a super busy schedule (like I never see him busy), and this clinic is well over an hour away from us, so with our winter weather I'm afraid we would have to miss crucial appointments. So as hard as it is to wait until then, at least I have a date to look forward to. With infertility, the hardest part for me is not having a date to look forward to. Infertility has so many unknowns involved. It would be so much easier if we would just know when we would get pregnant or if we will ever get pregnant. I guess that's where faith comes into play. I could not wait to share this with all of you!! For us infertile women, just making an appointment like this is all we need to keep going on for a little longer. We would really covet your prayers at this time.

My heart has been so broken for all of you going through this journey, please know that you are on my heart and in my prayers.