Our Little Blessing

We saw 2 of these negative test results last week...

AND 2 OF THESE POSITIVE PREGNANCY TESTS!

We feel so blessed! Our little Blessing will arrive on March 7, 2011.

We have had a very exciting few days! I will let you know how it all happened!

Last week was the week that we could test to see if the 200MG of Clomid worked for us. So we tested twice and they were both negative. So I called my Dr. on Friday and they said that I should call them back on Tuesday of this week then we will start another month of Clomid. They also wanted me to take another pregnancy test before I called again, the nurse said that sometimes your body can play tricks on you.

So we went ahead with our wonderful July 4th weekend, we spent most of the weekend at hubby's aunt's house. We had way too much fun!! I noticed that my stomach felt empty a lot, but I would always just drink some milk or water and it would feel better.

We got home on Monday, then I had to work in the evening. So hubby picked up a pregnancy test, because I knew we still had to take one before I call the Dr. on Tuesday. It was late before hubby got home, so I just waited to take the test till the morning. I woke up pretty early and thought I would take the test. I never look at them anymore, hubby always checks the tests. So I laid it down, and he checked it in a few minutes. I laid back down. He was really quite, and looked at the test for a long time, then finally said "Lori, I think your are pregnant!" I could here in his voice that he was totally serious, plus he would know not to joke about that!! I will never be able to explain that feeling that I had at that moment. It felt like a dream. A fairytale. I looked at the test, and sure enough, for the first time in my life I saw a positive! I AM PREGNANT! After almost 4 years of infertility we have finally beat it!



We spent the whole day telling our family's! It was so soon, but we could not keep the excitement to ourselves! I went in for blood work to confirm the pregnancy, and I got the most wonderful call yesterday. My nurse told me "Yes Lori, you are Pregnant!" They confirmed it with a Beta of 629! I would love to hear what your Beta's were! We are over the moon with joy!

We had our OB consultation this morning and they confirmed my due date at March 7, 2011, and she reminded me of the high chance of multiples with clomid. She said I am 5 weeks and 3 days along!

We scheduled our first real appointment on July 20, we will have an ultrasound done, then we will find out how many little blessings are in there. As for side affects, they have been getting worse as the days go by. My stomach continues to feel empty/nauseous, and I am tired to the point that I could slur my words! I am exhausted, and at the same time overflowing with thankfulness, and joy.

Hubby's brother is getting ready to catch our little Blessing!! HA!! This picture just cracks me up!


I know that many of you are still on the infertility journey, and my heart breaks for you more than you will ever know. One thing I do know, is that whenever I heard of someone who got pregnant after going through infertility it always gave me hope, but yet at the same time a small part of me felt like it just might never happen to me. So take it from me, never underestimate the power of Prayer!!


Today I feel blessed that we have a little blessing growing inside of me right now!! Praise the Lord!

Clomid Update

So I have taken my last Clomid pill for this cycle. I had been feeling great, no major side affects. I had just left a comment to a lovely blogger who is also taking Clomid, and she is having horrible side affects. I told her I lucked out and have been feeling great. No kidding, not even a day later the side affects started...

MAJOR hot flashes...

A few bad headaches....

Nightmares....

I have been so miserable. Never in my life have I had hot flashes this bad. I will break out in sweat. They wake me up from my sleep, along with horrible nightmares. I dream that I will never be a mom, and I'll wake up feeling like a total failure and very emotional. I have been getting fewer hot flashes now, but they are still here!

I will have an update on how the Clomid is reacting to me this cycle soon. I have an upcoming appointment that will tell me a lot! We are really excited about it.

We have my brother in laws Wedding coming up in 2weeks! I cannot believe that it's almost here. I have been busy getting ready for the wedding. I know that I have not been blogging a lot lately, and I am behind on my blog reading as well. I hope I will get back into a regular blogging routine soon. My days just fly right by, and I love it that way! It makes my cycle go by so much quicker!! As we all know, it is so hard to wait to see if "this cycle" leads into pregnancy!!

Finally! Ovulation!

May's cycle on clomid is over, and we are starting June's. We had an unsuccessful month of Clomid, but in my eyes a very successful month. We have made a lot of headway in the last month. I am so sorry that I kept you out of the loop totally. I was/am so caught up with just enjoying life right now. The days and weeks are just flying by like crazy! I really had gone through so many emotions throughout last months cycle. I had a wonderful cycle. I ovulated!

On CD 15 I had an ultrasound done and what we found made us very happy and hopeful. 2 perfect follicles on my left side. I then felt the ovulation pains a few days later, and that is something that I will remember for the rest of my life. I have never felt that before, and I have never ovulated. So you can only imagine my excitement and at the very same time I seemed to be holding my breath till the end of the cycle.

A week later I had blood work confirm that I ovulated with a Progesterone level of 45.7. Yeah, a step up from 0.5 and 2.0! We were thrilled and were very much anticipating to POAS!!

We did POAS from CD 23 to CD 28. We (mostly my hubby) just could not wait until CD28. Each test we took was negative, and with each test it made it easier for me to deal with the "ultimate" negative in the end. I really feel like my hubby was my rock through all of this, he has truly exceeded all my expectations of what a hubby should be at a time like this.

So now, since I ovulated my Dr. says I will start with my cycle on my own. Which is unheard of to me!! Then we will do Clomid again this cycle. Our Dr. was so happy with the way the 200mg of Clomid reacted to me. So here's to 200MG of Clomid in June, along with many wonderful days of Summer!

Hopefully No More Clomid...Ever

I finished my last Clomid on Friday. I am hoping that I will never need to take Clomid again. I am hoping and praying for a positive result so much. I don't even want to think about if its negative. We will find out in about 2 weeks. That feels like forever from now! I will need to work on my patience. I know that Clomid majorly makes your hormones go crazy!! I was so glad when I was done taking the Clomid, because I felt like myself again almost immediately!

I was thinking about all of my friend who are going through IF. Especially yesterday. I just really try to focus on my Mother and my Mother-in-law on Mother's Day. It has been 3 Mother's Day's since we are going through IF, and I hope that this was the last one without our little Blessing. I try not to focus on me not being a Mother. I am fine until I hear a song about "little ones", then I get very emotional and mostly sad.

Yesterday my sis-n-law on hubby's side let me go through 2 totes of her baby boy clothes. I was in heaven. It was so fun to go through the clothes and pick out the ones that our little blessing will wear someday!! Now I want to wash everything up, then organize them by size. So that whenever I really do need them, they will be ready to go!! I hope and pray that I can get them out soon!!

This was a really random post!! A little bit of everything! I hope that you all are having a wonderful start to your week!

Today I feel blessed that I feel like myself again!!

Clomid Day 5

Today is Clomid day 5, and I am so excited that I am almost done taking my Clomid. Only 2 more days left.

The "evil" side affects are still lingering with me, but I have been doing better with controlling them. I have just started to get really emotional, like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Another side affect that has been happening since Clomid day 3 is dizziness. I take my pills mid morning, then it seems by 5pm or so everything starts to spin in my head. It is so weird. It's not like I have a hard time walking, it's like it's all in my head. Really strange. I have not once, felt sick to my stomach, nauseous, or had a headache (praise God)!

Right now I feel like the time is just dragging by. I am anxious for my appointment on CD 15, and to find out if the Clomid has worked so I can ovulate. That will be found out towards the end of next week.

I have been so excited ever since my cycle started. It's like I am already telling myself that I will have a positive result. I need to stop that right now. I want to think positive but, at the same time so many times before I have been let down. I just don't want to make it harder for myself if it is not a positive result this Cycle. I have been stocking up on my baby clothes from garage sales, etc. I want to get them all out and prepare them for our little blessing.

I would LOVE to hear from ANYONE who has ever been on Clomid, and how many MG. I am doing 200MG this cycle. I would love to hear if you had any side affects, how many cycles that you've taken Clomid, and IF IT WORKED!!

Today I feel so blessed to have lots of baby boy and baby girl clothes that are ready whenever our little blessing arrives.

Clomid Day 3

Today is Day 3 for my Clomid...and I have seen the evil Clomid brought to life, in me.

Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown. By meltdown I mean, a major attitude. Everything just felt annoying, and I was not capable of being rational and thinking things through. I had no desire to be nice or kind. This happened close to bedtime, and I always have a hard time at bedtime anyway. I think it's when I am not really tired, then I think about all the possibilities. Like "What if this cycle will not work?" "Why did I have to go through all this in the first place?" I tend to think about all things bad. Then mix in 200MG of Clomid, well...it's not good.

I have 4 more days to go, I pray that it will not get worse. But I am preparing myself for it to get worse.

I thought I had this Clomid under control, but it came out like a Lioness!! Of course I felt great this morning, no worries, no anxiety. But come tonight...I fear the dreaded hours of the late night!!

I scheduled my appointment for my ultrasound and blood work on CD 15. I will need to be there at 7am, and I need to have 32oz of water drank by 6am!!! I have no idea how I will get that much water down, that early! I get to go to a Clinic that is a lot closer than my Dr.'s office, so that is great. My Dr. wanted me to get this stuff done early so that they can get the results quicker.

Today I feel blessed that I don't feel sick on the Clomid!!

Clomid Day 2

Today was the second day of my Clomid. I took it this morning again. I was talking to my hubby on the phone right when I was ready to take the pills, so we said a quick prayer together. It was so special.

So far today I am feeling great. No side affects. Here are some of the most common side affects of Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate).

Stomach upset, bloating, abdominal/pelvic fullness, flushing (hot flashes), breast tenderness, headache or dizziness.

I have not had one of those side affects! I feel really good. I remember last year when I was on lower doses of Clomid, I had major hot flashes. So now I have 2 days down, and 5 more to go. I am taking 4 pills each morning which are 50Mg each. We are praying that the 200MG is what we have needed all along!!!

Much Needed Update

I have had a busy week!! Here are some of the things that kept me busy this past week!

Getting ready for a Garage Sale

A painting project

I was hosted a Pampered Bride party, for my brother-in-law and his soon to be wife, on Thursday night! So I was running around like a maniac all week to prepare for that plus all of my other daily tasks!!

As the busyness of last week is past I find myself wondering how CD 3 came so fast, oh and how the 200MG of Clomid have given me NO side affects as of now!! Yes...you did hear that right!! This morning I took my first dose of 200MG of Clomid, only 6 more to go! I decided to take them in the morning instead of the evening. I though I might as well try it since last time the evening regimen did not work (not saying that is the reason that the Clomid didn't work last year)! So I took those 4 little pills this morning, and my wonderful hubby said a prayer before I took them. I just want to have God control this cycle, I want Him to have all the credit if I do get pregnant, and If I don't then I still want to praise Him. The thing is I know that God is with me, He haas given me so much comfort and peace through the last few weeks. So that, to me, is proof that He is with me every step of the way!

I wanted to update you on how I felt after I was done taking the Provera. It took about a day or 2 after my last pill, before I got some of my energy back as well as my spirit of Love!! Then by Thursday of last week I felt 100%...no 200%!! I have not felt that good for a long time. I felt like the old me, before I had to deal with all of these hormone problems. So as much pain that the Provera brought along with it, it sure did it's job!

I spoke with my nurse and they would like me to go get an ultrasound done and some blood work on CD15 to see how everything is looking. My Dr. thinks that when/if my body ovulates, it might be a little later in the cycle than the normal CD14 ovulation. So for now I want to enjoy life!! I feel great, I hope I will keep feeling great, and I love Spring!!!

Today I feel so blessed to have a God who cares so much about me. I feel very blessed to be happy and joyful today.

Provera, you make me feel so bad!!

I have been on Provera for 4 days now, and it's a 10 day pill. I have not been feeling like myself ever since I started the Provera. I think I have half of the side affects that it mentioned on the pamphlet. Unusual tiredness, headache, bloating, nausea, painful/frequent urination, and cravings!! Those are all the symptoms that I am having. The biggest one for me has been tiredness and headache. I have just been so miserable. Yesterday I went for my walk, I usually walk about 2 miles 4-5 times a week, well I almost could not move my legs. I ended up doing one mile, and I was so exhausted. Today I didn't even think about going on my walk. I am so tired. It is like a whole body weakness, all over tiredness. Exhaustion.

I just find it so strange that I am having so many side affects this time with the Provera. Last year I was on Provera 3 different times, and I felt better than ever. I remember how happy I was that I was feeling so good. Now, it is totally opposite, I am counting down the days to my last pill like every 5 minutes!! Like right now, I could eat so many cookies. I am craving chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies!! I really think I am making a batch tonight! This is not good, no walking and tons of cookies!! AHHH!!

On Sunday we went to a Cleveland Indians game, I took no pictures, I was so disappointed. First of all, I was freezing cold, and then on the way home I started to feel so nauseous, and I had to pee so bad I felt sick. That is so not me, it just hit me like a ton of bricks!! I wish so bad I had taken a picture of the restroom that we had to stop at, it was horrible, it didn't even have a lock!!!! But I was desperate! Hubby and I had a good laugh after we were outta there!! HA! Sunday is when the side affects started, later that night I got a horrible headache that I have had ever since! I am ready to be done with Provera. I am also not forgetting that this could be the way to our little blessing, so it is worth all of the misery!!

I have been thinking a lot about how IF affects your everyday life. It affects more than just not being able to conceive. I think it makes me so tired. It wears your body down physically, emotionally and mentally. I know the Provera is doing that to me as well, but when I am doing any type of treatment for our IF, I wear myself out. I stress myself out over the waiting, the timing of everything, the what-ifs, the hoping and sometimes with the fear. I have been trying so hard to think positive thoughts and not let this cycle consume me. I am still very much working on living in the moment!!

I really wanted to get feedback from anyone who had ever been on Provera, I would love to hear about how it went and if you had any of these symptoms/side affects!

Today I feel so blessed to have another opportunity to try Clomid, and to hopefully be one step closer to our little blessing.

Provera, Clomid and lots of Prayer!!

My Doctor called!!!

It was Thursday night, we were on the porch grilling out. The whole day I had been checking the phone anxiously awaiting a phone call from the Doctor. My wonderful hubby was in the house, and all of a sudden he brings my ringing phone out to me and it was the clinic's number!! We were both so excited. I was so happy that my hubby was in the house when my phone rang. I cannot believe I didn't have it right by me, but it worked out perfectly.

Here is the wrap up of my conversation with my Doctor:

He said my test results all came back great, and by great he means it's OK for me to start a cycle of Clomid!! My progesterone levels were only at 0.5, he said I was not ovulating at all with those levels. I knew that was so, in the back if my mind I just knew I was not ovulating. So that was not a shock to me. I try my best to face reality throughout our IF journey. It is so easy to get your hopes us every month to make you think that you are pregnant.

Here is what we will be doing next:

I am now starting to take Provera to get my cycle started, after I took a pregnancy test. It is very important to take a pregnancy test prior to starting Provera, mine came out negative so I started my Provera last night! Once my cycle starts I will be starting Clomid! I will be starting off our first month at 200MG of Clomid, exactly a year ago I was on my 2nd month of Clomid at 100MG. The highest I ever went was 150MG, which was May of 2009, and I had a slight rise in my progesterone with the 150MG. So I am REALLY curious what the 200MG will do for me!!! This would be my 4th round of Clomid in my lifetime.

You might be wondering why I am not doing an HSG. I talked to my Dr. about that when he called on Thursday. I was so glad that I did. He would recommend that we try the first month of 200MG of Clomid, and see how I react to that. If I get a good reaction to it, like my progesterone levels raising, then most likely my tubes are open and good. He said 90% of the time the HSG reveals good, open fallopian tubes. I was so happy that I asked him, and that he was honest with me about it. He is very direct and to the point, which I love!!

I will need to schedule blood work around CD 17-18 to check my progesterone levels to see if I ovulated!! I hope and pray that I will ovulate. It is so crazy to think that we are doing Clomid again, I am really excited to get started. I feel at peace about this. Which is the best feeling in the world.

Right now I only want to think about this month, this round of Clomid, not our future. I want to focus on today, and not wish my tomorrows away. I want to live in the moment, and be happy in the moment!! Too many times I have ruined today because of worry. God can take all my worries so that I do not have to deal with them, they weigh me down so much. So today my blessing is that God lifts my burdens from me, and takes my worries away. Too me that is a huge blessing!!

Has God lifted any of your burdens, or taken any of your worries away? I would love to hear about how God has helped you today!!

Memories WIth My Valentine

I have been blessed with a wonderful man to share my life with! We have made tons of memories together.

The first day I saw this boy walk into school I was instantly drawn to him. There was something about him that attracted me to him, for my hubby not so much, it took him some time to see how special I was! I was only in the 8th grade, and he was in the 10th. He made me so nervous, I could not even talk to him without feeling nauseous!

So by the end of that first school year we were seeing a lot more of each other. I think I gave my parents a lot of grey hair that year! I just thought I had to be allowed to go on a "date" with this guy at the age of 14 (with other people of course). So I ended up going, and we went to Taco Bell and then we went golfing! Ha! Talk about nerves. I had never picked up a golf club in all my life, and I don't think he had either. We went with another couple, and I ended up beating hubby!! I still rub that in! We had an instant connection! Once the nerves had died down a bit we were able to have nice conversation that night, we found out a lot about each other! Every since then we were barely ever apart!!

We dated for 4 years, and have now been married for 4 1/2 years! I was very young when we got married, almost 19 years old!! So that will explain why we look like kids in this next picture, it was a couple of months before we got married. It was the day of one of my bridal shower's at my parent's house.

The first two years of our marriage we barely took any pictures. I have since then got a new camera. So I am working on going back to find some older pictures, and getting them put on my computer. We both look so different, it is shocking to me how we have changed since we have been married.

The next picture will jump about 2 years. We went to PA for a wedding, then we visited the Sight and Sound Theatre, it was so beautiful.

This was later on in the year 2007. We went to eat with my parents at a place call Atwood Lake.


Next is August 2008, we went to Gatlinburg, TN with my family. We love Gatlinburg, we visited it for our first time on our Honeymoon in 2005. This picture was taken at the Apple Barn, a wonderful place to eat!!


This picture was from the same trip.


Fall of 2008, we went to a Cleveland Indians game with hubby's parents! One of the reasons I love my hubby so much is because he can make me laugh a lot. We can have so much fun together. That is one of the things that infertility had been affecting, I am really working on changing that because I do not want to lose that! I need to focus more on the Blessings that I do have, and not on what I do not have.


Hubby's first time ever hunting, and he gets a buck and a doe in the same night! That is so typical for hubby! He got lucky. That happened the end of 2008. I don't think he has been back in the woods since.

Christmas 2008

My baby brothers graduation in May of 2009.

The day we purchased hubby's baby. His Dodge Charger SRT8, he was and is in love. He is so ready to get that car out again. I think in all the years that I have known hubby, on this day he was the happiest I had ever seen him! I must say when you sit in that car, you can't help but feel happy!

I was able to go with hubby on a one night business trip in 2009, we had a great time. It was right around the time we had finished our Clomid with no success. We had lots of good conversation about our future.

Fall 2009, Golfing with hubby. Since our first date I have turned in my love of golf, and have instead become the golf cart driver! Very happily. I seriously think I pulled something last year when I tried to golf.

November 2009, family pictures at my parent's. This was also our Christmas Card.

As I look back at these past years I feel so blessed to have spent so many moments with my Valentine. He is so special to me, he is what keeps me going. The best part of my day is when I am with him. If it would have been up to us, we would have a toddler right now, but obviously we do not. Through this difficult time, I am so thankful that I have him by my side. He is able to support me, and he always helps me see the positive in our situation. I cannot wait for the day when he will be a daddy, because he will be great!

As Valentine's Day approaches I want my hubby to know that I love him unconditionally, and I look forward to many more Valentines with him!!

When we were dating I started making hubby his favorite meal every Valentine's day, I will be trying to locate those pictures.

Answer to a question

I was asked the question: Since My levels did go up this month on Clomid, but if it does not lead to pregnancy will they give me another round of Clomid?

I am wondering the same thing! Because it would only make sense to go up to 200MG and see if that does the trick. My doctor did say that she never goes beyond 200MG and never more than 6 months on Clomid in a lifetime. So I will definitely be asking her that question on Monday if we are not pregnant this month. We were going to hold off on going to the larger fertility clinic in Beechwood, OH anyway if this month does not work. So why not stay with our current clinic for another try on Clomid. Even though Clomid makes me turn into a witch!!

Thank You Kendra for your question!!

Thank you all for your very sweet and encouraging comments they mean the world to me!!

Today I am thankful to have the day off!!!!

Progesterone Results Tomorrow

Wow, I am so scared!! Tomorrow I will call my doctors office to get my results from my progesterone levels for our LAST month on Clomid. I never want to call. It's better for me to have that hope than to call and find out the worst results ever. I am trying so hard to have faith and be strong, but as those of you who are going through infertility know that is very hard to do when all you have ever heard is low levels or negatives.

Positive?

What really does that word mean?

To me it means JOY, LOVE, THANKFULNESS, NEW LIFE, FINALLY, MIRACLE.

What does the word "positive" mean to you?

Last month on Clomid update

I wanted to update you on how our last month on Clomid is going. Today is CD 10 and I have finished taking the pills, so now they just have to work. I have felt great throughout the whole cycle. I remember last month the hot flashes started coming a week or so after my last pill. So if that is true for this month, I will be blessed with hot flashes while we are on vacation. Hopefully I will luck out of that. I have not been charting my temperatures at all this month, I thought I am not going to do that anymore. Every morning the first things I did was think about infertility as soon as I saw that thermometer. And you will not believe how much less I think about infertility the whole day through. I think just that little step helped me keep my mind off of this cycle. It always seemed like such a small thing to me, and yet such a drag to do, my temps are always all over the place anyway. I barely thought negatively about infertility so far this cycle, I have said so many times, If God wants us to have a baby he will work through medicine or bless us without medicine. It all comes down to the Lord, He can make so medicine does work or does not work. I have really had peace about this last month through knowing that there is nothing I can do now. I am glad that we are going on vacation tomorrow, because I am starting to feel my emotions kicking in. I am glad our last month is on its way to being over, I want to know the outcome so bad right now! We would appreciate your prayers as we finish this part of our journey through infertility.

Today I am thankful that I am done taking the horrible mood changing and hot flashes causing pill called Clomid.

Infertility Update

I had a doctor appointment on Friday to follow-up on our 2nd month of Clomid. I had a great morning before the appointment, so I was in good spirits and OK with the low levels of progesterone that I knew I had. My doctor was also surprised that the levels did not significantly go up, but she said some people only need that next dosage to spike the levels. So she told me that we will try 150MG of Clomid this month along with the Provera to start my cycle. Then if my levels do not go up again, then they can no longer help us. We will then need to go to a larger infertility clinic, which is in Beachwood, OH a little over 1 hour from us. She said she does not know why the clomid is doing nothing for me, but hopefully the 150MG will be just enough to raise those levels. If not the larger Clinic has a lot more to offer, and a lot more tests they can run to see if there are any other issues, and also stronger drugs. So this next month will be very difficult for me. I have been letting my emotions get the best of me so much after my appointment yesterday. I really need to get my faith back to where it was, I feel like I just want to give up.

So I am going to get my cycle started right away, hopefully the 150MG of clomid won't kill me with side effects. I have a feeling those hot flashed might be paying me a visit.

Today I am thankful for a wonderful Doctor who has done everything possible to help us become parents.

Progesterone

Well I cannot believe that this day has come already, today is day 21 of my cycle, and for me that means getting my progesterone levels tested. So I'm off to my doctors office, I guess we will see if Clomid worked this month. And of course, I have my hopes up once again for a positive on pregnancy. Why do I do this to myself, I just cannot help it, and from what I have read from other blogs I think its completely normal. How can you not get your hopes up WE COULD FINALLY BE PREGNANT!!!

We probably will not find out the results of my progesterone until the first of the week, so if it goes up that means there is a great possibility of pregnancy. Last month my progesterone stayed almost the same, it went from 0.5 to 0.6, wow a whole 0.1!! So of course we are hoping for a lot higher than that. My progesterone levels are really the only thing my doctor thinks is holding us back from be able to conceive.

So wish us luck and keep us in your prayers as we come upon a big week!!

Today I feel blessed to have so many wonderful blogger friends who know just what to say to make me feel better!! Thank You!

National Infertility Awareness Week

I have been reading so many posts on infertility this week, it is so amazing what an encouragement and most of all what a comfort it is to have all of you, who know exactly how infertility feels, to make this horrible journey a little bit easier. So thank you for all your support you have given me since I have been blogging. Your friendship means so much!

Infertility has been life changing for me, in so many ways. We got married July 9, 2005, we both wanted kids, we were so excited to start our married life. One thing that I will regret for the rest of my life, is that I once told my Mom that we want to wait 4-5 years before we have kids. How shallow of me, how selfish of me. I struggle with that so much, I always have that in the back of my mind. Why did I say that, I had no idea that the yearning to be a mother would come so quickly. After a year of being married, I was so ready. I went off the pill in fall of 2006, and that's when everything went downhill. We have been trying ever since, and we are coming closer to our 4 year anniversary. Once I knew it would be a struggle to conceive, I knew I would not have kids before we were married for 4 years because of the comment I made. I truly believe the Lord wanted me to wake up, and know that HE is in control of my life. He is the one Who blesses us with children, He will give us children when He wants to. Infertility has been a wake up call for me, it has been the most horrible, emotional, tiring, and challenging thing that I have ever gone through, and we are not even at the end of our journey yet.

Some days are so hard for me, some days I think I cannot understand why. Why us, why after so long, when will it happen? Right now I am struggling with: What if Clomid does not work? I really do not know what I would do, I think my hope would start to falter. But I have a God who I know wants whats best for me, and I have a husband who has been my rock through all of this. So if Clomid does not work, I have to remember Who is actually making Clomid work. The Lord has control in all we do, I believe He makes things available to us as a way to overcome this horrible thing called infertility.

I believe people are not nearly aware enough about infertility, I know I wasn't before we were infertile. Through all of this I think we can reach a lot of people, and maybe people will feel more blessed than they ever have for the things they have. I know I have been counting my blessings for the things I DO have! I pray for infertile women so much, for strength, for hope, for peace and that one day we CAN overcome infertility!

Today I feel blessed to have a God who I can cast all my cares upon!

Hot Flashes

Well I think I have been having my first side effects from Clomid! I have been getting hot flashes like crazy, they wake me up from my sleep. I took my last Clomid pill last week so I was wondering when you had your side effects from Clomid. I was not sure if it could be from the Clomid even if I took the last pill last week? I would love any advice!! Other than the hot flashes everything has been going great.

I can tell that summer is coming, because we have been so busy lately. It seems there are not enough hours in my day, I am not a morning person so I tend to sleep in, but I think I am going to have to get out of bed early if I want to get all the thing done on my to-do list! It makes it so much harder because I work full-time, I'm sure lots of you know what I mean. Do any of you have the same problem, any tips on how you get your stuff done plus stay caught up on all the things you like (like, blogs, DVR, walking, etc)? Any tips would be very helpful!!!

Today I feel blessed to have a my morning off so I can catch up on vacation laundry along with lots of other stuff!!!!

Clomid Round 2

We are starting our second round of Clomid!! I am nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. This is when my Faith in the LORD really needs to kick in, I need to sit back and just let it happen even if I'm scared. It's just the "not knowing if it will work"part that really scares me. There is no use in me getting all worked up about this, when I have no control over this situation.

I was so lucky the first round with Clomid, because I had absolutely no side effects! Crazy, Right! I started off at 50MG, that really had no effect on me as far as my fertility. My progesterone levels are so low and Clomid is supposed to raise those (and do lots of other stuff). But the 50MG did not raise my levels at all. My progesterone was at 0.5 before the Clomid, and 0.5 after the Clomid which is very low. It was not even at 1. So my Doctor bumped it up to 100MG! YEAH! So I might get a big surprise once I start taking it, higher doses' equals me more likely to have side effects. Yikes! We'll see. I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing with it.

I would really love to hear about anyone's experience with Clomid, or tips while taking it (if there are any).

I feel so blessed tonight to be able to be at home with my hubby and we have lots of our favorite shows to catch up on!

One More Heartbreak

Yesterday was a rough day. I got our results from our first round of Clomid and they were not good. Basically Clomid did not raise the levels it was supposed to raise. I was aware that might happen because I got really sick in the middle of my cycle, I had a high fever/Strep Throat. So I knew there was a big chance that could have messed up the cycle. But it still cannot prepare you for the disappointment. At the end of every cycle I tell myself that I will not get my hopes up for the next month, I cannot take another negative result. But it never fails at the end of the cycle I start to think well maybe it did work this time, maybe I could be pregnant. After so many months of that it really has drained me emotionally. After I found out the results I was very heartbroken once again. Later that evening once I started thinking on the positive aspects of our situation I did start to feel better. I did not break into tears every time I thought of the results. I am thankful that we do have more cycles with Clomid to try, hopefully next month I will be healthy through the whole cycle. That might make all the difference!