Savannah's 1st Christmas Eve

I was so anxious for Christmas this year! For so many years I would dream of the day that I would have a child of my own to celebrate this special Holiday with. I had so many expectations as to how special this child would make the Holidays, really how the child would just make every day so much more special. I will say this year I have been blown away as to how much joy our little one has brought to us. She is the light of our lives and gave us so much to be thankful for this Holiday season.

As I was thinking those thoughts so many times throughout the past year, once Christmas came I was so humbled by the thought of Celebrating Jesus' Birthday. I want to teach Savannah at a young age what the REAL meaning of Christmas is, and how blessed we are that Jesus is our Hope and our Saviour!

Savannah really was just a total doll baby throughout the Holidays. She did miss a few naps that kind of messed up her routine, but she was a trooper. We celebrated Christmas Eve with my family. We usually go out to an early Dinner and then go back to my parents house to celebrate. Before Savannah we would stay the night at there house, but we chose not to this year. We will probably start that again once Savannah is a little older. 

By Christmas this year Savannah was just over 10 months old. She has her two bottom teeth and has been teething horribly. She also says Mama all the time, and Dada sometimes. 

It was so much better to give than to receive, especially to our sweet little girl!! I must say the cutest gift we purchased for her are the adorable fur boots she is wearing! They are so stinkin' cute!! Those boots with leggings are one reason I can handle the cold weather!!

A little over a week before Christmas my hubby had his 2nd knee surgery since November. He had his patellae tendon repaired on both knees. Well the last surgery went well, but he developed a blood clot in his calf, so he was admitted into the Hospital on Monday before Christmas. I was so thankful that he was ok, but at the same time I started freaking out because before I knew it he was still in the Hospital the day before Christmas Eve!!! Thankfully he was released on Christmas Eve. 

It was sad not having him home at all the week of Christmas, but it all worked out and I was so happy he made it home for Christmas. He was having pain, so that made him not be able to enjoy all the festivities quite as much. I am actually thankful that it was Savannah's 1st Christmas that this happened, because she really didn't have a clue as to what was going on...

...although she was having the time of her life climbing onto all the boxes that come along with the Holidays!! See below...

...yes she managed to get that box over there all by herself! We have realized her favorite things to do are pushing boxes and climbing on boxes!

She did so well with opening her gifts on Christmas Eve, here is her 1st present that Daddy helped her open. It was too cute because everyone was helping Savannah open her 1st present. All her little cousins were sitting all around her with the biggest smiles, it was so precious and heartwarming to see the love they have for her!!

Doing her favorite thing ever....

...climbing!!

She also got the baby Einsteins activity center that she just LOVES!! 

Thank you Lord for blessing us with a wonderful 1st Christmas with our Little Blessing!!!

Our Little Blessing

We saw 2 of these negative test results last week...

AND 2 OF THESE POSITIVE PREGNANCY TESTS!

We feel so blessed! Our little Blessing will arrive on March 7, 2011.

We have had a very exciting few days! I will let you know how it all happened!

Last week was the week that we could test to see if the 200MG of Clomid worked for us. So we tested twice and they were both negative. So I called my Dr. on Friday and they said that I should call them back on Tuesday of this week then we will start another month of Clomid. They also wanted me to take another pregnancy test before I called again, the nurse said that sometimes your body can play tricks on you.

So we went ahead with our wonderful July 4th weekend, we spent most of the weekend at hubby's aunt's house. We had way too much fun!! I noticed that my stomach felt empty a lot, but I would always just drink some milk or water and it would feel better.

We got home on Monday, then I had to work in the evening. So hubby picked up a pregnancy test, because I knew we still had to take one before I call the Dr. on Tuesday. It was late before hubby got home, so I just waited to take the test till the morning. I woke up pretty early and thought I would take the test. I never look at them anymore, hubby always checks the tests. So I laid it down, and he checked it in a few minutes. I laid back down. He was really quite, and looked at the test for a long time, then finally said "Lori, I think your are pregnant!" I could here in his voice that he was totally serious, plus he would know not to joke about that!! I will never be able to explain that feeling that I had at that moment. It felt like a dream. A fairytale. I looked at the test, and sure enough, for the first time in my life I saw a positive! I AM PREGNANT! After almost 4 years of infertility we have finally beat it!



We spent the whole day telling our family's! It was so soon, but we could not keep the excitement to ourselves! I went in for blood work to confirm the pregnancy, and I got the most wonderful call yesterday. My nurse told me "Yes Lori, you are Pregnant!" They confirmed it with a Beta of 629! I would love to hear what your Beta's were! We are over the moon with joy!

We had our OB consultation this morning and they confirmed my due date at March 7, 2011, and she reminded me of the high chance of multiples with clomid. She said I am 5 weeks and 3 days along!

We scheduled our first real appointment on July 20, we will have an ultrasound done, then we will find out how many little blessings are in there. As for side affects, they have been getting worse as the days go by. My stomach continues to feel empty/nauseous, and I am tired to the point that I could slur my words! I am exhausted, and at the same time overflowing with thankfulness, and joy.

Hubby's brother is getting ready to catch our little Blessing!! HA!! This picture just cracks me up!


I know that many of you are still on the infertility journey, and my heart breaks for you more than you will ever know. One thing I do know, is that whenever I heard of someone who got pregnant after going through infertility it always gave me hope, but yet at the same time a small part of me felt like it just might never happen to me. So take it from me, never underestimate the power of Prayer!!


Today I feel blessed that we have a little blessing growing inside of me right now!! Praise the Lord!

Marriage and Infertility

My hubby and I have been married for almost 5 years. Never once did I think that we would have trouble trying to conceive. We really had it all planned out.

Get Married, Enjoy Life, Have a Baby...well let's rewind to Enjoy life, because that's were our plans stopped. We have not made it to the Have a Baby part. We have been trying for 3 1/2 years though, with no success. So how do you keep you marriage strong and healthy with such a big battle trying to overcome your life!? I ask myself that questions all the time, and I pray about that all the time. I need help from the Lord on that issue, I cannot handle our marriage and infertility on my own.

The first step for me was to realize that I need help, I need the Lord to give us both the help that we need. For years I was so focused on our infertility and how badly I wanted a baby, how badly I wanted to be a mother. I would see everyone else becoming a mother, and I would see so many little babies everywhere. It hurt me to the core each and every time. It was at the point where I was not being the wife that my hubby needed. It was all about me, all the time. I really did not see that until last year. So for 2 years that was our life. I get so emotional every time I think about it, because I hate what I have put my hubby through. He was so kind and caring, but I pushed him way too far for way too long.

We have since started to mend our hearts from all the heartache. The Lord has helped me in so many ways. All I did was pray. I saw things change right in front of my eyes, within days. I was so broken. I was so happy that I saw hope for happiness again. Not just daily grief over what I do not have, and there are constant reminders of that everywhere it just depends on how you look at them. I am so far from where I want to be, and I will never be perfect. I will always need the Lord's help.

When I am feeling so low and so sad. I try to remember other who are praying just to be healthy, or others who are praying just to have a chance at a pregnancy as well. I do not know if we will ever have a child of our own, but I hope and pray that the Lord will bless us in His time and in His way. As hard as infertility is, having the Lord on my side makes it so much easier.

Really, once we got our happiness back I felt like I have conquered the biggest battle of all.

I would love to hear about any of your Marriage and Infertility lessons.

Today I feel so blessed to have my Lord helping me through this journey of infertility.

Spring Decorations

I have been wanting to join Lianna Knight over at Growing Our Own Garden, she did a post on Easter decor! She inspires me with all her decorating skills!!

My kitchen project is almost completed. So I was able to start decorating, of course I brought out all my spring/Easter decor. It's not much, but I love every piece that I decorate with.

Kitchen Sink

Living Room

Dining Room
Kitchen Table
I am giving you a sneak peak at how the Kitchen will look with the drawers back on, of course with the old hardware on that I spray painted.

I have so much to update you on! My kitchen project was worth all the hard work that I put in. I cannot wait till you see the results!!

I can tell that it's Springtime, because I am busy!! I love the fresh air, and the green grass that is popping up!!!

Today I feel blessed that Spring reminds me of the sacrifice my Lord and Saviour made for me.

Second Trip to Indiana and an Infertility Update

On Thursday I made the trek out to Indiana to see the Doctor that I had visited before, you can read about that here. My mom and another sweet girl who is struggling with infertility came along with me. We had 10:30 appointments, so we left at 5:00am, which was a lot better that last time when we left at 4:00am. We had wonderful weather and a very smooth trip, the roads never seemed busy which I loved since I drove.

The Doctor told me that the position of my uterus looks perfect! I was thrilled. I was so happy. Overjoyed! I then asked him about how he could open up my tubes on my last visit, because it just did not make sense to me how he can actually open up my tubes without much to it. So he said that the position that my uterus had been in was blocking or twisting my tubes so that nothing could pass through. What he meant was that when he corrected the position of my uterus, it then put my tubes in the correct place. But now he is not able to tell if my tubes are blocked, I would have to get that checked on my own. I had misunderstood him when he explained that to me during the first visit.

He also said that I do not need to make another appointment to see him, and he thinks I should be pregnant by June or July. I am trying to have faith, but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up. Because I know that is just a possibility. Not a guarantee. I am praying, I am hoping and I am keeping my faith in the Lord. He will be the ultimate decision maker for when we conceive.

We have our IF consultation on April 7th at a large fertility center about an hour from us. I am getting very anxious for that appointment. We are just going to see what they have to say, and to see what our options are. We will then pray about what our next step should be. Then if we are not pregnant by July or so, then we will probably go back in and start some type of treatment. That could all change if by then we feel the Lord is leading us in another direction. We would really appreciate your prayers as we have a lot of decisions coming our way.

I am ready to be a mommy, but I know that the Lord has a plan for me and my hubby's life. That gives me a peace that I cannot explain.

Today I feel blessed that the Lord cares about my life, and that He has a plan for my life which I know will be worth all this heartache that I have gone through.

Any Kids?

It is a given when you run into someone that you have not seen in a while. You start by saying Hello, and make small talk, then before you know it you've been hit. Hit by the question.

"Do you have kids?"

or

"Any kids yet?"

Each and every time I get asked that question I have a very hard time answering it. My usual answer is...

"No, but it's not that we do not want any."

Most of the time people will be satisfied with my answer, and maybe, just maybe that will be enough for them to understand our situation, at least a little bit so that we can get off that subject. I ask myself why is it so hard for me to answer that question, and why do I want to take off running for my life when I hear those words??!!

I used to get angry at people when they would present me with that question. Then I would vaguely remember myself asking some "old friends" that same question, which was of course before we were TTC. Since then, I never ask people that question, because I have no idea if they are going through the same situation and I know how hard that question is for me to answer. Now instead of getting angry, I think of the blessing we are waiting on, I think of that day when I can say, "Yes, we have been blessed with a miracle!!!"

I try to think of ways that I could be hurting someone with my words without me ever realizing it. I pray that I will watch my tongue, and give words of encouragement and praise to everyone that I possibly can. That is not an easy task to complete, there are many days that I should not even be around people, let alone say something nice. But I will strive to do better with this each day, because I know how some one's kind words can give me just that push I need to keep going. I also know that the Lord can help me with this in ways that I could have never imagined.

Today I feel so blessed to have the voice to answer people when they hit me with "that" question.

How do you answer "the question"?

More updates on my Kitchen project very soon!!

The Power of Prayer

I cannot believe that it has been 2 weeks since my visit to Indiana. I have been trying to take it easy, and trying not to do to much physical labor. Right now I feel good, I feel like my uterus has stayed. It still seems to be high, at least higher than it was! I have seen a major difference in my cycle already. I have already seen things that reminded me of how my cycle was before all my "issues" started, and it feels so good!

I have been so amazed at how the Lord has been working in my life. I was really struggling with so many things in my life, it seemed I could never get over some things and just be happy. He has showed me how to be happy again. As I type this, I have tears of joy. It all started with a simple prayer, a prayer of surrender and and prayer of pleading. The Lord has drawn me closer to Him in so many ways. I feel like prayer is our direct line to God, and I must admit, I was not using that line nearly as often as I should have been. Not only have I realized that prayer works in my life, but it can also work in your life. The Lord hears my prayers for you! I love praying for you, I love giving it to God. It is such a freeing thing to do. What really amazes me is how my prayers have been answered right in front of my eyes. They might not seem like huge requests, but those little requests that He answered have helped with healing in my life!! Also, those little answers to prayer remind me of how much He does care. I have often doubted that the Lord cares for me, as I have been dealing with infertility and all that it has affected in my life.


Everyone has struggles they go through, and many days I think mine are the biggest of all. I have realized my struggles are very minor. I have all bodily functions, I have a warm bed, I have a car, I have a job, I have not lost any children, I have a great hubby, I had safety today, I have a closet full of clothes, I have food in my fridge, I have loving parents, I have vacations to come, I can move around without pain, I have hair, I have the possibility of having children, I have warm shoes, I have bubble bath to put in my warm bath water, I have church clothes, I have so much! The list could go on and on. Many of the things that I have mentioned not everybody has been blessed with. It just breaks my heart. I've seen people that are suffering so much and they have more faith and more gratefulness than I do. That is a huge wake up call for me. There is so much more to my life than just thinking of what I do not have. Look at all I have! How could I not be satisfied. I feel really ashamed. What have people who are really struggling been thinking of me. I just hope and pray that I can have a positive impact on people rather than a negative and ungrateful one. I would love your prayers as I continue to try and do so.

As I have always known in the back of my mind that prayer does work, I have just recently been assured of that. I would love to lift you up in prayer. Please contact me with any prayer requests that you have. Anyone who needs prayer please let me know. If your having a bad day, if you are struggling with something in your life that you cannot seem to get past, or if you just want me to pray for you with no reason at all I would love to lift you up in prayer. Not just today but anyday to come. If you have a public request you can leave it in the comments then I will also post it onto my sidebar for others to see and pray for as well, or if you have a private request you can e-mail me at loriweaver86@yahoo.com.

Are we there yet?...

...as I was starting to get nervous, I would wonder to myself if we were getting really close to this place, this Doctor's office that I know almost nothing about. It was only 7am, I had been driving since 3:40am, and we were getting closer to our destination. We had talked about this journey we were all going through (except for my mom), we were all very anxious and hopeful. We had stopped to eat at McDonald's, and were traveling closer to our destination. The roads were just starting to get busier, and the sun was rising.

...and that is how I looked and felt as we drove into the driveway. We had reached our destination at 9:05am, our first appointment was at 9:30am. Below is the actual picture of how I looked as we arrived at our destination, but let me tell you the picture above describes exactly how I was feeling. Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Doubtful. I was thinking to myself, "Am I going to exit this place feeling regret, disappointment, sadness, or will I be feeling Joy, Hope, gratefulness, and with lots anticipation for my future?"

So as I enter into this "office" and sit in the waiting room, I am sure I looked like this...

...until I was sitting on the exam table talking to the Doctor. Let's just say, I was so scared, but mostly I was hoping I did not just make a huge mistake driving 4 1/2 hours to this place. I took the 3rd appointment, and I really wanted to run to my car and hit the gas pedal as fast as I could. Instead, I got my rear off the chair and walked into the exam room, I sat on the table, and spilled my story. It was as if a peace came over me, one like I have never felt. He was so understanding and caring, as I was telling him my problems. I could sense that he had a heart for this, a heart for women who cannot conceive, because I think that he knew he had some answers as to "why not."

After my examination, I finally got some answers...

...my uterus was almost turned the complete wrong way, and it was extremely too low. It was sitting on my bladder, hence my very frequent trips to my friend "the john." He said the cyst that I have is very small and should not affect my fertility at all, wait did I hear you right doctor, you said cyst not cyst's!!! A year ago I had cysts, and now you are telling me that I only have one. I was so happy, because if he is accurate, that means that they have been going away!! The correct part of my uterus was not nearly lined up with my cervix, which prevented anything that needed to get into my uterus from getting where it needed to go. He also said, that my tubes were completely tied off, and that nothing had ever been going through my tubes, which means that was making it impossible for me to ovulate. When he told me that, it took me back to what my doctor told me last year at the Women's Health Center, she said I was non-ovulatory. Remember how the Clomid I took did absolutely nothing for me, and she was so shocked that it did not work. As I am typing this, I am getting very emotional. It all makes so much sense. So basically if my tubes would have been open nothing could have even got into my uterus. Also, since my uterus was not in the correct place, it majorly threw off my hormones, which is why my progesterone is so low!! I had two major things that were causing this terrible journey of infertility.

Guess what?

He corrected both of these problems!

He told me, "Lori, you could get pregnant this cycle, there is nothing standing in the way of pregnancy anymore!"

I was in shock, I was in disbelief, I was in awe of God's power, I was in awe of how at peace I felt, I was in awe when I realized people were praying for me.

He moved my uterus to where it needs to be, but he said it is very important for me to take it easy. No heavy lifting, no sweeping, no side to side motions, no jumping whatsoever, no crunches, he said walking is fine for exercise (I'm afraid my work outs might suffer for a while). He told me that the uterus is basically floating, there are a few muscles holding it, and he needs those muscles to get strong at the new position. If I'm not careful for a while my uterus might not stay in the correct position. I could barely sleep last night, I was so afraid that if I sleep on my side that it will go back. I was a miserable wreck. Now today I keep wondering if my pants are too tight, I'm afraid that might make it go back, my pants are not even that tight. I need to relax, and have faith. He recommended getting a deep tissue massage not more than two weeks apart for about 2 months, because that will help with circulation which makes muscles stronger quicker. How ironic that I just got a massage!! I do not think it was just a coincidence. It was God.

He said I should keep taking my progesterone cream, and my cycles should start regulating on there own, now that my uterus is in the correct place. I have been having 15 day cycles for almost 6 months, he said that is not normal. He wants to see me in 4 weeks to make sure that my uterus did not move. He told me that if I would get pregnant before then, I should get to him ASAP, he said I should not even call. His main worry with that is that my uterus would not be strong enough in the new position to carry a child, he said it would not be a bad idea to be careful this month, in fear of that. How can you tell a woman to be careful after 3 years of infertility! HA!! But I do know that would be safer. He also told me that most miscarriages come from the uterus being in the wrong position. That was just shocking to me, all of this was shocking to me. I just really wonder if this is it. Is this all I need to get pregnant. I am really struggling with that. It is so easy to get your hopes up when you hear news like this. But it makes total sense to me.

Today I feel sore, I have seen a huge difference in my lower abdomen, it is not bulging anymore, I always thought that was weird.

When I got home last night, and thought about what he said about it being possible to conceive this month, I just broke down. I sobbed. I cried for the possibility, for the miracle that we have been waiting on.

I know this is a very long post with lots of information. I hope it all makes sense to you. I would love to answer any questions that you have. You can e-mail me if you want it to be kept private, or you can leave me a comment, then I will do a post with all the questions and answers.

Thank you all for your prayers.

I could feel them.

I could feel the presence of the Lord.

He was comforting me.

Good-Bye 2009!

I am saying farewell to 2009 with a happy spirit. I am hoping to say hello to 2010 with hopes of a grand year. I pray that it is filled with love, peace, faith and lots of hope for a baby of our own.


2009 has been such a sad year for me. We reached the 3 year mark in our battle with infertility. When we started on this journey, I always kept telling myself "Lori, next year at this time you will be holding your baby in your arms, and you will be telling your child what a miracle he/she is." So as each year passes, I will no longer tell myself that, the heartbreak that comes with that "next year" is to unbearable. I'm not saying that I do not have any faith anymore, but I am saying that I have to be realistic. I cannot make myself believe something just to make my now easier. I have given myself false hope way too many times. I think that comes with trying to be positive for me, I get being positive mixed up with my emotions. I never thought that I was an overly emotional person, until I started down this road of infertility. Now I am an emotional wreck. I have realized that I cannot do this all on my own. I cannot carry this burden any longer. For so long I have tried, and it has got me nowhere. I have offered all my heartaches, all my struggles to the Lord. He is helping me get through this with some of my sanity left. I have nothing left to give to infertility. It has taken so much, too much, from my life. I have no more tears left, I have no more strength left. I need His help, and I know that He is with me every step of the way.

As my hubby and I have been going through this journey, I have failed to understand that he does not handle infertility as I do. I have let infertility get in between us. I have put infertility first. I have let my emotions get the best of me. That is going to stop now. I have so much to be thankful for, I have so many people who love me, I have so many people who are praying for us.

And you know what!

That is enough for me.

Wall Monogram

I have recently painted one of our entrances, and I had been looking for something for one of the walls. I found this great wall monogram on Etsy by JKVinyl designs, they were so great to work with. Every sample I wanted, and every question that I had was no problem at all for them!! Once I placed my order, I had the monogram in almost a week! I was able to chose the size and the colors. I am so happy with the finished product!

The picture above is with the light off.

And this picture above is with the light on, so the wall color looks a little different in the two pictures, but this picture above is most like the actual color.

So if you are interested in a wall monogram I would really recommend JKVinyl designs. By the way I thought the prices were very reasonable, especially when you compare it to a picture or wall art.

Today I am so thankful that the Lord loves me enough to lay down His life for me!!

You!!

I would love to hear from all my readers!!

I feel blessed in so many ways, the Lord has given me so much to be thankful for. Sometimes my heart feels all fluttery at just how lucky I am to have so much. The thing that has hit me the most recently is just LOVE! I am so in Love with my husband, and I am so Thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful man who treats me so well, and is not afraid to show me he loves me.

I am also blessed to be loved by so many others!

I see heartache so much. There are so many things that we have to endure in life, my heart aches for some of the stories I have read of people's REAL lives. If you are having a horrible time right now, please think about the Blessings that are here for us to reach out and take for ourselves.

I would love to hear what you feel blessed with today!!

National Infertility Awareness Week

I have been reading so many posts on infertility this week, it is so amazing what an encouragement and most of all what a comfort it is to have all of you, who know exactly how infertility feels, to make this horrible journey a little bit easier. So thank you for all your support you have given me since I have been blogging. Your friendship means so much!

Infertility has been life changing for me, in so many ways. We got married July 9, 2005, we both wanted kids, we were so excited to start our married life. One thing that I will regret for the rest of my life, is that I once told my Mom that we want to wait 4-5 years before we have kids. How shallow of me, how selfish of me. I struggle with that so much, I always have that in the back of my mind. Why did I say that, I had no idea that the yearning to be a mother would come so quickly. After a year of being married, I was so ready. I went off the pill in fall of 2006, and that's when everything went downhill. We have been trying ever since, and we are coming closer to our 4 year anniversary. Once I knew it would be a struggle to conceive, I knew I would not have kids before we were married for 4 years because of the comment I made. I truly believe the Lord wanted me to wake up, and know that HE is in control of my life. He is the one Who blesses us with children, He will give us children when He wants to. Infertility has been a wake up call for me, it has been the most horrible, emotional, tiring, and challenging thing that I have ever gone through, and we are not even at the end of our journey yet.

Some days are so hard for me, some days I think I cannot understand why. Why us, why after so long, when will it happen? Right now I am struggling with: What if Clomid does not work? I really do not know what I would do, I think my hope would start to falter. But I have a God who I know wants whats best for me, and I have a husband who has been my rock through all of this. So if Clomid does not work, I have to remember Who is actually making Clomid work. The Lord has control in all we do, I believe He makes things available to us as a way to overcome this horrible thing called infertility.

I believe people are not nearly aware enough about infertility, I know I wasn't before we were infertile. Through all of this I think we can reach a lot of people, and maybe people will feel more blessed than they ever have for the things they have. I know I have been counting my blessings for the things I DO have! I pray for infertile women so much, for strength, for hope, for peace and that one day we CAN overcome infertility!

Today I feel blessed to have a God who I can cast all my cares upon!