My hubby and I have been married for almost 5 years. Never once did I think that we would have trouble trying to conceive. We really had it all planned out.
Get Married, Enjoy Life, Have a Baby...well let's rewind to Enjoy life, because that's were our plans stopped. We have not made it to the Have a Baby part. We have been trying for 3 1/2 years though, with no success. So how do you keep you marriage strong and healthy with such a big battle trying to overcome your life!? I ask myself that questions all the time, and I pray about that all the time. I need help from the Lord on that issue, I cannot handle our marriage and infertility on my own.
The first step for me was to realize that I need help, I need the Lord to give us both the help that we need. For years I was so focused on our infertility and how badly I wanted a baby, how badly I wanted to be a mother. I would see everyone else becoming a mother, and I would see so many little babies everywhere. It hurt me to the core each and every time. It was at the point where I was not being the wife that my hubby needed. It was all about me, all the time. I really did not see that until last year. So for 2 years that was our life. I get so emotional every time I think about it, because I hate what I have put my hubby through. He was so kind and caring, but I pushed him way too far for way too long.
We have since started to mend our hearts from all the heartache. The Lord has helped me in so many ways. All I did was pray. I saw things change right in front of my eyes, within days. I was so broken. I was so happy that I saw hope for happiness again. Not just daily grief over what I do not have, and there are constant reminders of that everywhere it just depends on how you look at them. I am so far from where I want to be, and I will never be perfect. I will always need the Lord's help.
When I am feeling so low and so sad. I try to remember other who are praying just to be healthy, or others who are praying just to have a chance at a pregnancy as well. I do not know if we will ever have a child of our own, but I hope and pray that the Lord will bless us in His time and in His way. As hard as infertility is, having the Lord on my side makes it so much easier.
Really, once we got our happiness back I felt like I have conquered the biggest battle of all.
I would love to hear about any of your Marriage and Infertility lessons.
Today I feel so blessed to have my Lord helping me through this journey of infertility.
14 comments:
Oh girl, you have definitely overcome the biggest obstacle! my husband lost his job last year (we had been married for less than a year), then we decided to move and so i had to quit mine. We were both looking for jobs and living with his parents for 5 months. Those were the hardest times we have had so far--really, we are better because of it.
Oh girl, you have definitely overcome the biggest obstacle! my husband lost his job last year (we had been married for less than a year), then we decided to move and so i had to quit mine. We were both looking for jobs and living with his parents for 5 months. Those were the hardest times we have had so far--really, we are better because of it.
LOVE this! It's so hard to overcome this part; I did the exact same thing; and although we still arn't pregnant our marriage is even stronger now than before...we have overcome so much throughout this journey!!!
Love ya sweet friend!
Love this! I think every couple going through this (and other issues) struggle with their marriage. It's easier sometimes to just focus on what we don't have and want, then what we do have. I have really been trying to remind myself every day that I am so blessed. And even IF we never have a child of our own I am still so blessed with my husband and family. And God has already brought me (and you!) through so much, and He can't abandon me now. He didn't bring me this far just to leave me.
For me, this was probably the hardest part of it all. Even when things were good, I couldn't understand why my husband still wanted to be with me when I couldn't make his dreams come true. Then, I put it together that we had made a huge mistake getting married and that I had done him wrong (even though I didn't know I was infertile until after we got married). It was ugly sometimes.
But then (and I think I've shared this with you in one of our email chats) my whole perspective changed. I knew that since our vows were made, God meant for us to be together, and that He would give us sustaining grace for everyday, no matter what the challenge. We had a long talk, Jared and I, and we decided to look for something everyday that we could be thankful for, something that we wouldn't have had if we had children. Sometimes it was an impromptu date to Sonic for ice cream at ten thirty. Sometimes it was a quiet candlelit dinner without any sippy cups. But everyday, it was something. I found that it changed the way I felt about infertility. Some days, I was truly thanking God that we didn't have children. And I meant it with all of my heart. I think that was a lesson for me. He wanted me to just be thankful where He had placed me.
And so now, we're trying again, and there haven't been many issues with this yet, but infertility is so stressful, and we seem to take out our aggression on the one we're closest to, which is, ironically, the one we love the most. I'm just praying that this go around isn't as dramatic as the last.
Praying for you all!!
At least you know that you need to remember your marriage especially during these other stressful times your going through.
With my hubby and I our infertility seemed to bring us closer. We went on walks talking about the future and what we needed to do. We became a true team. We cried together, he game me my shots and told me he was proud of me. He said it showed what a dedicated mom I would be how dedicated I was to the fertility treatments.
I hear people either fall apart in times of need or they grow closer. Make sure your fertility issues make you closer.
Lori - I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. For years I lost joy in life. I let our journey to parenthood leave me tainted. It wasn't until just a few months ago when Brian and I found a new church home and only focused on God that we were able to regain our joy! I am praying for you as you continue your journey.
I'm so glad you found my page so that I could find yours. :) It broke my heart to read your story but I have learned that God's plan is bigger and He knows best. So keep your head up! I'll be praying for you and your sweetie! I can't wait to read along on your journey.
God is so good! Your honesty is very refreshing.
So glad I stopped by....Miracles happen everyday and I just posted about one....I love your blog and your honest transparent heart.
I am so blessed to find someone that has the same feelings and thoughts that I do. I have been struggling with infertility for 5 years as well. I have put my husband through so much and he always stands strong for me and never complains. I pray that you two get your miracle soon and that God continues to bless your marriage.
Love this! Clay and I also struggled at the beginning, but through prayer the Lord was able to bring us closer together. I really believe our journey with infertility helped our marriage (I know that sounds so strange), but I honestly believe we would not have such a strong marriage if not going through infertility. I'm happy that y'all were able to get through this part. I know it's hard! Know that we are praying for y'all and the miracle that the Lord is going to bless you with.
Luv Ya Girl!!!
Do you ready Kelly's blog Kelly's Korner. I read it today and thought of you. You can get to it from my blog.
it's national infertility week...thinking about you and praying for your miracle!
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